Occupation: SAHM

Before becoming a mom, I was completely self-sufficient.

Pending the arrival of our son, it was decided between B and I that I would stay home with him for 6 to 8 weeks and then begin looking for work. (I had lost my previous job. I was a waitress, we come and go.) That particular decision was lost somewhere during those first 6 weeks, maybe because of the lack of jobs & the economy, maybe because of my anxiety about finding a sitter, maybe because of a conversation I had with my neighbor about children becoming sociopaths since they are carted off to daycare from 6 weeks of age. Whatever the cause, the outcome is quite apparent. Here I sit, approaching 6 months post-partum, wishing like hell that I did, in fact, have a job; that I wasn't here, blogging in the early afternoon.

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love spending the day with my baby. Obviously I don't think there is anyone who could do it better than me. But naturally, as an adult, and especially an adult in a relationship, I would like to be able to carry my own weight. B and I have a very strong relationship. He doesn't hold it over my head that he is the breadwinner and that I simply...run the household, raise his child, you know, helpful things like that.. These things, I know are invaluable to our lives as a family, but I still find that I'm having an issue with my own self-worth. I can't help but wonder if all stay-at-home moms feel the same way from time to time.

I feel insecure and apprehensive about my future. I want to become something other than a mom. It's alien to me to be saying that because originally, all I ever wanted to be was a mother to someone. But as I get older, I feel it's only natural to want more for myself. Unlike many other SAHMs, I didn't have a career prior to becoming a parent. I was still attending college. I was waiting tables for God's sake. I was lucky to find a man who does have the means to support us on his own. We aren't struggling by any means, so why is it that I want so desperately to leave my household duties behind? 

It all boils down to the simple fact that I am a human being. Naturally, "good enough" will never, in fact, be good enough for me. I am never content for long. Insatiable, I believe is the precise term.

Salutations.

My name is Amelia. I am a young mother, unmarried, but still involved. As of now, I have one child, a boy named Atticus, who is currently 5 months old. We share a birthday. I predict this blog will be a "mommy blog" primarily, but may from time to time segue into other topics. 

I moved, recently, to Baton Rouge, which is approximately 650 miles from my previous place of residence, "home", in Alton, Illinois. It's been a difficult process for all involved, which includes myself, daddy and baby. Oh, and the dog, though he seems to be adapting better than his human counterparts. 

The reasoning and purpose of this blog is as follows: Another title synonymous with Amelia is currently "girlfriend". My facebook status reads "in a relationship." I do not share a name with my son or his father. No matter how many ways I put it, it all boils down to the fact that I am anxiously, if not impatiently waiting for that one elusive question to be presented to me. And I'm pretty bummed out about it.

So, follow along if you like. Hopefully one day I will reach a place where my facebook status and I can be at peace with one another.